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Life moves on
Even when you’re standing still
Hope dies
So lies develop in your mind
Kicking you forward towards doors
You’re not ready to walk through
Keeping you from staring at that picture on the wall of the two of you
Back when your face in her head
defined love too
She’s “happy you’re not together”
As are you
As are you?
More lies.
Or not.
The truth is buried beneath
Every little fragile part of me
Digging at the chance of getting hurt
So we’ll just leave the past
In the dirt
There’s another rabbit
Wearing your favorite top hat
I can’t compete with that
Smiles camouflage frowns
Fresh flesh helps in calming down
Newness keeps the doctor away
Things are better today
I’m totally…
More lies
It’s safer this way.


…It was one of those nights.

Or it has been one of those nights, for me.

It’s around 3am…a little past, same difference. I’ve been working all day/night…most of it anyways. But I just couldn’t kick this “off” feeling I’ve had the past few days. The worst of which was surely today/tonight. And I’ve been stuffing it and stuffing it in, attempting to be steel, or some kind of robot without a heart…or soul. Tonight though, my emotions got the best of me…a combo of stress about work/career, life choices, home, feeling guilty for having a pretty good life and being unsettled about it when some people have it far worse, more stress about work, confusion, questioning, questioning, sadness, confusion, sadness…and then it all landed on a big whopping kaboom of missing my mom…and I was a mess.

I contemplated staying in a fetal position on the bathroom floor for a while, in my own little bubble, where no one could bear witness to this human side of me. But instead I wanted to…needed to hear your voice. I had no idea what I would say once I woke you from your insanely, should be illegal, it’s so comfy, tempur-pedic mattress, slumber. But after, about 2, maybe 3 calls…cuz you’re always so knocked out…but once you picked up I felt 100 times better even in tears. The comfort of being able to turn off my robot with you…


I don’t know how someone so young can teach me so many things about myself in such a short time.

But you have…

You do.


And I’m the one who’s thankful we came into each other’s lives.

You see….you made all those sad blogs happy ones now! ❤

Hopefully all of you readers find my happy heart writing as entertaining as my crappy sad heart whining. 😛

Goodnight. Well, not really…back to work for me. I was just thinking all this so I thought…why not share.

disappearing act

I fell in love with a ghost.

I think I did anyway.

It happened in an instant, as soon as she planted invisible kisses
upon my lips and brushed the hair away from my forehead.

now I’m left running my fingers along limbs of H20 that connect to a
torso of imaginary lust.

But did I?

Imagine it all? You, me, entangled physically?

…and disappearing all at once.

The space that divides has begun to eat up my insides.

Leaving me to wonder,

why should I pine for that which never was mine.