Tag Archives: personal

clear

Time flies
Skies shine
Brighter
Crystal clear
No fuel to ignite her
Crooked smiles
Turned down
Fright night
Starts before midnight
On this ride
At the gun show
Pelicans die
Soldiers march sideways
To repeating background noise
Playing house
Toys for blight
Chores that might
Make the honor list
Or not
With knots in your stomach
Bursting
At seams withholding
Her truths
Forgotten youth
Of rotten fruits
It’s better this way
No scripts to read
Or hearts to bleed
Time flies when
You’re having fun
Clocks locked
With nowhere to run.

silent killer

The last few weeks have been some of the most fun, warm, enjoyable and eventful of my life…but why do I feel so sad…

I’m currently laying here on the floor staring at the ceiling while I tap these, “probably won’t get posted or will end up deleted like the last 3 blogs,” words into my wordpress app. I do most of my blogging, and emailing on my phone nowadays…

I’m scared of my computer.

It makes me feel inhuman.

Aside from edits and posting things with flash or high res, it’s currently off limits…indefinitely.

I think the same thing happened to my emotions…I can’t find them. A little while ago I put them in a box and hid the key. I feel them…surging through me…I just can’t define them much anymore.

A few minutes ago I said I was sad. I am…but only because I recognize that tight feeling in the center of my chest as anything but…good. Not to mention the overwhelming amount of unsettling dreams I’ve been having. Like my subconscious is screaming to be heard.

That…and I can’t be alone. I’m a loner at heart and enjoy days on end of me, myself and I on dungeon duty. But lately I’m surrounded by people and being alone brings on a strange form of anxiety.

Leaving me to wonder…am I afraid to feel?

Today is my first full day by myself in the last couple of weeks. I’m starting to want to search for that key.

To put a name to what’s going on inside me.

I guess there’s always the theory that if I leave myself in the dark long enough…they’ll dilute or transform by the time I finally do open that box again.

Grey…

Is a lot easier to tolerate than red…or yellow…or green. I hate green.

Grey suits me well.

For now…

timespan

I can barely breathe…

It’s like my insides have drifted out and surrounded me entirely…suffocating me. I got this feeling a moment ago…a few moments ago. I tried to let it pass but it wouldn’t let…me…go on with my day. And I’ve got too much on my plate to let this emotion distract me. 8pm on the dot I must be dressed and ready…so now…currently…at 3:40 I will purge this…

I will get it out.

Not that I’m having a problem keeping it in. I just…

Had a moment…of moments within a moment.

In time.

It’s overwhelming.

I don’t even know where to begin. I’m so damn…

Warm.

I have been.

I’m so fucking warm and full of light.

It’s making me dizzy.

Still…

Trying…

To breathe.

But smile…

That I may.

That I can.

And I am.

to you

I couldn’t sleep…

And you’re currently knocked out…

So I decided since all I really want right now is to be melting and childishly engrossed in anything and everything…you…you…you…

I’ll just frigg’n blog about it. That was the second thing I figured I could do with this strange half awake half asleep time. And I’m way too tired to get out of bed to continue working. So here I am…on my wordpress iPhone app rambling about you…to the world…heh…

Fuck it.

But…

Seriously…

It’s weird how when you come to know someone…you think to yourself…how did I ever NOT know this person…crazy right?

You’re the sweetest breath of fresh air I’ve inhaled in the longest time.

You’re the reason I can’t now go a day without smiling, or laughing…about anything and everything.

You’re more beautiful than you even know…more than you could ever imagine.

When you smile, I smile.

And lately…

I’m always smiling.

Because of you.