Tag Archives: life

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Life moves on
Even when you’re standing still
Hope dies
So lies develop in your mind
Kicking you forward towards doors
You’re not ready to walk through
Keeping you from staring at that picture on the wall of the two of you
Back when your face in her head
defined love too
She’s “happy you’re not together”
As are you
As are you?
More lies.
Or not.
The truth is buried beneath
Every little fragile part of me
Digging at the chance of getting hurt
So we’ll just leave the past
In the dirt
There’s another rabbit
Wearing your favorite top hat
I can’t compete with that
Smiles camouflage frowns
Fresh flesh helps in calming down
Newness keeps the doctor away
Things are better today
I’m totally…
Ok
More lies
It’s safer this way.

sound and magic ♥ isn’t anyone tryin’ to find me…

I had an overall awesome year…but things got a little clouded and dark towards the end. I don’t have much family that “knows” me. And the rest are scattered around the US…strangers to each other, including me. Growing up an only child can be a blessing or a curse. I suddenly started to think of my biological dad, still a touring funk musician now in his 60s or something like that…”sampled by Kanye West, Public Enemy, Eminem” blah blah…all things I’ve read off his band’s fb page while stalking…and thinking how he communicates with fans all over the world…but has never cared to get to know me…and then my stepdad, the only “dad” I grew up with…went slightly MIA after my Mother’s death. The occasional FB “Hey Kid” is the extent of our current relationship. I get it…it’s hard to look at me…let alone be around me when I remind him of her. That or…never really wanting kids makes it easy to bounce with nothing holding you to that child…no marriage…no blood ties…

I have abandonment issues and then some. Textbook. Anyone who leaves…really really leaves to me. And the simplest goodbyes hurt ten-fold. Lately I’ve been dealing with an on and off love situation. If you can even call it that…considering…

I’m starting to wonder if it ever was real.

Whatever the case I’ve wanted nothing more than to curl up in a ball and have Charlotte remind that through all of it…I’ll be ok. Because I’m her daughter and I am strong.

Just one more moment with her.

I’ve been missing her so much…nothing else really matters.

….

Anyhow…I was much younger when this song came out and I used to listen to it constantly. Heard it again, randomly, today. Thought it was fitting…

“I’m standing on a bridge
I’m waiting in the dark
I thought that you’d be here by now
There’s nothing but the rain
No footsteps on the ground
I’m listening but there’s no sound

Isn’t anyone tryin’ to find me?
Won’t somebody come take me home…”

when you’re not strong

In life there are people that hold you up…and people that will pull you down. Sometimes there are those that pretend they can…and will hold you up but selfishly only stand still expecting you to pick up the pieces they left strewn about.

Anyhow…I am not inspired to write. But I loved this version of one of my favorite songs of all time.

Considering my current mood, it’s fitting.

sometimes…

People disappoint you.

This can’t happen if they’re not around.

There’s a lesson in here…if you want there to be.

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Photo By: Arvin Clay

what if…

My friend and I are partially tipsy…partially awake so we crawl into my barely warm (we’re totally bitching about the temperature…don’tcha just love my run on sentences) bed just now…

Or 5-10 min from now depending on when I finish writing this. A sensitive topic comes up then I’m thrown one of those, awful, world famous “what if” questions. It was so weird because both my answers/options ended with very less than satisfying results. Imaginary results mind you…but lack luster, non “fluffy,” nonetheless.

I guess the point of this…really…is why does the imaginary have to always lean towards “fantasy?” Fantasy in the damsel dragon sort of way.

Why can’t our imagination be filled with just as much of the cold…not so hard…truth? I’m ok with the truth.

Cuz I damn sure am over fantasies. Especially when reality is so fucking V A S T. I mean seriously…why even bother what iffing over anything when you can take a great big whiff of what, actually, is.

Open your eyes.

Fuck tomorrow.

I’m getting high off today.

escape from inside

What if the thing you loved most caused the most pain?

Do you rip it off like a band-aid

and hasten the race

to rid of the stains.

What if the thing you loved most had a twin?

Relaying sin upon the spin

of love and life from within

at the depth of your threshold…

where all good things come to an end.

out with the…

…In with the not so…

It’s 3:26 am and I can’t sleep. I’m in a rather strange state of mind…somewhere between confusion, and solace…bordering on anger. Whatever the mood that encompasses my body it has me here…again.

….

Funny, I randomly wake up in the middle of the night…can’t get back to sleep…and…I grab the computer?

Lame.

Why not a book?

Vulture of an online world, it’s debilitating to our 3-dimenional existence.

But…

Only if you let it.

Today I decided no matter the freedoms, superhuman, international platform of a mindfuck this pixelated world allows me to have…I would not abuse them.

For all good things can sting if we let them get close enough…

Hmmm…

Apparently my brain thinks it’s the net Socrates.

It’s working overtime on behalf of my other organs…

They suddenly hightailed it out of the office without any notice.

My heart man…it left me the strangest note…it said, “when people tell you they’re not very nice…listen.”

Ahhh well…see, somebody forgot to inform mr. heart, senior vp of taschka enterprises, know-it-all, wannabe yoda…to SPEAK LOUDER.

Oh well…I have no idea where he went…but good ol buddy ol pal, monsieur, brain and I…we got this.