Tag Archives: friends

when you’re not strong

In life there are people that hold you up…and people that will pull you down. Sometimes there are those that pretend they can…and will hold you up but selfishly only stand still expecting you to pick up the pieces they left strewn about.

Anyhow…I am not inspired to write. But I loved this version of one of my favorite songs of all time.

Considering my current mood, it’s fitting.

i should be working…

…but instead I made this gif.

make avatar

and laughed with Jen…

Roomie & I. 🙂

visual suicide ♥ running with guns

Thank god for camera phones. Too bad I didn’t have one attached to my back…to capture how many times my ass was assaulted by a toy gun tonight, or last night I mean seeing as how it’s already past 6:00 am…geez. I need to go to sleep.

hidden words

Last night I wrote a letter.

I shouldn’t have, but I stayed up past 6am….my friend and I were both going back and forth about equally interesting mind boggling brain issues. And once you get the two of us talking, that’s it. And she gave me an assignment….sort of. In a way. She knows me better than anyone and out of the 5 people in the world that I tell everything, I tell her the most.

Most people ask me, “What do you want from her?” And I never seem to have an answer. I don’t know if it’s because I feel like I shouldn’t expect anything, or because I don’t want anything. Can you want someone, and not want anything from them?

That’s a complete lie. I know it is. My mind is just padding itself in order to protect me. And I know deep down I want…more than the idea. I remember what it’s like to want a person…I think.

I do.

You can read my previous rambles and see it’s obvious what I want. Sort of.

Anyways, that’s my point. And I’ve got to make this quick cuz I have to leave……

But last night I wrote a letter.

I wrote her a letter. I told her everything. And I mean flipp’n everything. From the semplice to the intricate. This is what my friend suggested I do. Write this letter and get it all out. Say it all….to her….for myself…

Because this letter will never be seen.

And I didn’t hold back. It was the longest letter I’ve ever written to someone. And that’s it.

After writing for almost two hours. Idk, I was sleepy and I kept dozing between statements. That and I kept omitting then remembering she’d never see it so I could say what I wanted.

And when I was at the end…after I wrote my last sentence, I hit done. Now the string of emotional words sit softly within the safety of my iPhone’s Notes. For me to revisit…when I need a reminder that I told somebody.


Until now…or last night. I hadn’t even admitted how “big” my feelings were. Only because I’ve been trying to decrease them. It’s working….making the feelings go away. I don’t want to do that, it’s just for the best.

But before they’re gone forever and just a memory of a secret I once kept.

I wrote a letter to myself…to the girl I love.

That she will never see.