I just got off the phone with one of my close friends…and after a back and forth bipolar convo she got a little serious. During this serious detour I said a few things I’d been thinking and feeling but hadn’t uttered out loud. As soon as the words left my mouth they cemented themselves in my brain and I knew they were genuine.
She asked me if I “was ok?” initially…and that’s a loaded question. But my answer was yes, and I meant it.
How and why I’m ok…considering I had one of the most emotional freak outs ever just a few nights ago…is beyond me. I guess in a sense I was “ok” then too…just overwhelmed with anger and sadness. But now that most of that has filtered out I’m left with more of what “reality” actually is. Something was said to me…that night…or the next morning…by this person I’ve been wrapped up in…they said while I was in tears and explaining how I felt like their behavior made it as though they didn’t care…
“I’m tired of trying to convince you.”
Katherine Heigl and Rachel McAdams surely don’t have to hear that shit.
It stung when they said it…but it resonated with me. And I keep replaying it in my head over and over. I think what it comes down to is no matter how much you may still love someone, or they claim to love you. Actions speak. We say this over and over in life but it’s so true. Not just actions while involved with someone, but how you treat them even after you’ve come to a conclusion.
“Handle with care,” should be my next tattoo. Hmmm…..sidenote….kind of need that asap. :O
Anyhow…the point of this all over the place ramble is once we come to a resolution of what we don’t want…it’s a lot easier to overlook what we did want. There will be points in life we all forget our worth…emotions can be intoxicating and blind you from actual truth. The truth is, whether it be now or later, I want to be loved by those who never get sick of proving it.
…by friends lovers, and the like…
Isn’t that what we all deserve?
Those are the people I sweat blood and tears for. The rest…are just acquaintances.
I lost my balance for a little while there…trying too hard to force an outcome that didn’t work for me emotionally. Now that I’m a few steps back, standing on two feet…I can see…all the holes my heart neglected to reveal.
Life is too short to expel energy over those that are not worth it. No amount of change, or convincing can alter the state of what is fact. And fact is…life…just happens. You are not tied or promised to any one person, place, or thing. The people in your life are there because they want to be…and the world…
just keeps spinning around you.