little giant

My eyes are fucking killing me…

And still I’m staring at this bright ass screen.

3:46 am and I was supposed to be asleep hours ago. But edits don’t give a shit about my bedtime…or lack there of. And I had a shoot proposal I needed to complete before going to sleep. So…work work work.

But now…

I can’t sleep.

Arrggh my left eye is threatening to pop out of it’s socket. No joke, I can hear it cursing at me in it’s own foreign language. Kind of sounds like mice crossed with a cat’s meow. A sad cat though. Yeah, kind of like that.

Huh?

Wow.

I’m out of it.

Seriously.

I was on my tumblr earlier and found this awesome image of Ruby Bridges being escorted by a U.S. Marshall. For those of you that might not know in November 1960, six-year-old, Ruby, became the first African American child to desegregate an elementary school. Can you imagine being so brave at 6?! I get nervous over such silly things when this little girl had the world on her shoulders.

It made me emotional and I cried for a little while about it. Happy to be where I am today because of little girls like Ruby.

When I was 6 I was in Rome and had no idea the world I was from thought of me as “different” or less than in some cases. I believe I was sheltered in a lot of ways. But I learned…in time upon moving back to the states about these American lines of separation and the public perception of my permanent tan. Not only as a person of color but also as a woman I had to be extra aware. And now as a queer woman of color it’s even more important I speak my mind and stand up for what I believe in…

Even if it’s as minuscule as not being afraid to blog about my sexuality…at odd hours of the night…

Or marching towards the castro…besides my sisters every June…or whenever the hell I need to because the world is STILL not listening.

However I choose, I can. And I will. Because it’s necessary. I will probably never be as brave as that little girl…and I’ll probably whine more about my love life than politics and race on this blog. But just because I don’t scream it here doesn’t mean I’m not a part of something bigger.

For some of us bigger is in the little things. The small voices that make big impacts on our lives.

But alas…I’m getting sleepy again and the words are starting to blur…

I’m hearing the sad cat mutated eye meow.

I better go before I go blind.

2 responses to “little giant

  1. Beautiful post! I’m mostly internet-less these days (besides when I’m at work), but I still try to peak at your blog whenever i get the chance. I’m always glad that I took the time to check out your writing/pictures/general goodness. Keep it up lady :)!

    Ps. This’ll be my first pride in California and I’m so excited to get the chance to go to the Castro this year… your post got me even more excited!!

  2. Awwwwee, thank you. And yay for first Cali prides! I remember the first time I went to San Fran Pride and then Dyke March…I seriously almost peed my pants I was so excited…lol! I was 21 or 22 and it was first time I had seen that many lesbians all in one place. You’d swear I was living under a rock or something. But anywho…afterward I was forever changed and I just felt so much bigger and a part of something that made more sense then anything every did in my entire life.

    Don’t be a stranger dear! ❤

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