clean air

Some moments are really refreshing. Especially when you feel parts of yourself being put back together…not in the superficial forced kind if way, but in the lightweight lack of angst sort of way.

I was just talking to my roommate about the topic but she fell asleep. So I figured, hey, it’s almost 5am, my eyes hurt, and I’m exhausted…I must unravel this through verbiage. So here I am…

I feel good right now. I realized today just how human we all are, and how superhuman I occasionally make some out to be. Idk exactly what did it…and I’m in no way “cured.” But I am unchained…from myself.

I am free from the weight of my own torchered soul.

Any other day I would have cared. Any other day so many little stupid things would still matter. But right now I could care less. Right now I’m smiling and weightless and content in…the idea of…nothingness.

There is still this part of me that carries that feeling somewhere in my heart. Only now that feeling isn’t suffocating me. Now nothing is suffocating me. I can carry it…and not want or need it. I can carry it until it no longer exists. And carry it I will. I’ll remember it as this precious entity that inspired many a dramatic monologue…in addition to poetry and art in motion. Distress and theatrics at their best.

So I will applaud my resilient heart for it’s efforts, but I will release it from some of it’s strain.


I can see again.

5 responses to “clean air

  1. 🙂 I’m happy for you!

  2. In what is nothing short of an emotional, even shades of metaphysical kind of way… you paralleled my current private thoughts. Like… Boom! .. upside the head your words hit me.
    For real. Jack exaggeration.
    Let me break it down…
    It started off as a routinely sincere, (although non-mechanistic) reading through your post .. when suddenly… WTF !!!
    Shades of Roberta Flack: Killing Me Softly. With her words. She’s got my number. What the heck is this all about!
    The timing is a coincidence of mathematical defiance. Yes, I know it had nothing to do with me…at all. And yet… it had everything to do with me. In those wee hours of the morning.. the sublime lunged forth. I can’t overstate the potency of the post here!
    With the “twang” of the archer’s bow and the
    unceremonious “shnuckt” noise that an arrow makes when it whacks into your fleshly gutty-works, that’s how the post hit me. Quotes like, “when you feel parts of yourself being put back together,” or..”I am unchained from myself” …
    but wait, there’s more; (the arrows kept coming..)
    “There is still this part of me that carries that feeling somewhere in my heart. Only now that feeling isn’t suffocating me.”
    Whoa! Uncanny. I related to it completely! My reaction: honest, raw, 100% pharmaceutical-free. That why I am deliberately uncensoring my comments. I need to convey the coolness of it.
    So… in a nutshell–stunning post! Weirdly accurate, wildly left field… I mean, I don’t even know you. Yet… it felt like I peered into the ponderings of your soul, and we shared the same private revelations together.
    Okay… forget “felt like”… it WAS the same.
    I saw in… and it was good. Very good.
    A “doppelganger” kind of feel.

    Simultaneous illuminations between people are rare.

    Just thought you should know the impact of your post…
    and btw. . . thanks!

    • This comment was seriously awesome to read. And it’s a wonderful thing when words can transcend space and inflict upon another’s interior awakening. I write for me…but I share because I know I am not alone…and your statements above illustrate this fact beautifully. So thank you…for reading, and sharing this cosmic “doppelganger” connection. ❤

  3. You are welcome. Yet, the pleasure is all mine… even though the extraction is all yours. The catharsis would not have ignited without the flashpoint of your post. Yes, I see clearly you write for “me,” but it was subliminally didactic to my antennas. Um, I should say antennae.

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