It’s a little after 2am and I’m really tired. But my head is going so it’ll be a long while before I actually pass out. On the flip side I’m currently at my Aunt’s house a few hours away from LA. Just got here tonight. It’s always good to see family and I have a new little baby cousin I have yet to meet. Hopefully tomorrow. Not to mention upon entering the front door I’m graciously greeted by three rather large pieces of my mother’s artwork. I always forget they’re here…until I see them. But when I do see them I remember each moment she was working on them. Her locks tied up, away from her face…and fingers covered in charcoal. But she always managed to get charcoal on her cheeks, arms and on me. “Mom, it’s everywhere! Can you do that in a non messy way?”
“Yes child of mine. As soon as you learn to relax. Now please get me more tree bark from downstairs?” I actually can tell the difference between the strips she chose and the ones I did. She never did stop being a messy artist. And I never learned to relax. Hmm… I’m quite intimidated by charcoal actually. I should have studied her technique better. But we always think there will be more time…until there isn’t. I stared at those pieces for such a long while tonight.
I miss her. She was the oldest, and this aunt of mine was the youngest…but they were the closest. So…Charlotte’s energy is all over this house. I can feel her. I wish she were here right now. I’d love to just stay up and tell her everything going on in my head right now. She passed away before a lot of really big changes happened in my life. Before I even came out as a “lesbian.” I mean I had boyfriends and girlfriends and labeled myself as bisexual. But there’s so much…more now…to me. To my world. I think if she were alive now… Everything would feel so much brighter.