the hole

This was not a Friday for partying. Not with the pain I’m in. Somewhere in the last few hours my body decided it would turn against me. And I’m currently experiencing the most uncomfortable sharp pains along my side and back. Not to mention my wrists and fingers have been giving me shit lately too. Anybody got any WD-40? Maybe that’ll do the trick.

Ok, bitching over.

My mind is a hot-mess of mixed up craziness right now. I’ve been feeling so normal and happy. Not that I don’t still. It’s more the reason behind all of it…anything present tense…has me drawing blanks. My mind is, idk…I think it’s in limbo. I can’t quite figure out what’s going on with “me.” Not enough to diagnose what the deal is. I feel…

I feel like…my mind has locked me out. Outside of itself.

Weird right?

It’s as if I’m in this corridor, standing outside this huge door. I can hear shit banging around on the other side. I can even make out the sounds of voices…but not what they’re saying. I keep pressing my ear up against it trying to distinguish mumbles from actual phrases. Then I step back and peer up at this massive, monstrosity of a door…standing between me…and my internal self.

It’s as if I am blind.

But not quite.

As though I’ve gone deaf.

But not really.

Perhaps all my senses have given out…

But I can grasp, feel, smell and see just fine.

I just don’t know what it is that I’m feeling.

Guess it could be worse, right?

I could be an emotional wreck about this, that, and the other.

You know, the usual.

6 responses to “the hole

  1. I love reading your blog!

  2. Denial?

  3. I never can sleep if there is a lot on my mind. Maybe you’re over thinking. -Rey

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