too lazy to title this

I did something crazy today.

I must be in coping mode.

The typical stages

Denial

Repression

Awareness

Detach

Rebel

Cope

Guess I’m rebelling against myself in order to cope. Idk how I feel about it yet, or if it served it’s purpose. Maybe I’ll feel differently about it soon.

Wow. When I read what I write it sounds like I’m trying to kick the habit. Like I’m some hardcore addict and all of “this shit” is my drug of choice.

Guess it was.

I know I know, was is past tense and I’m nowhere near over it but I’ve got to start acting like I am in order to get to that point. No more whines, no more crybaby crap. Unfortunately for those of you that enjoy my rambles they’ll most likely be fewer and farther between. Seems torchered Tash writes much more than level headed “realistic” Tash.

This is such a strange time in my life. Subtracting this one “issue.” I’ve been so uninterested in Women. What happened to me. I used to be so….obsessed with the idea of romance and love and idk….being wrapped up in it. I just can’t find anyone I like that much to give a damn. Eh, and if you’re someone I dated in the last year, please don’t take that personally…..

It’s probably why my brain made me fall for the one person in my life completely not interested in me. Maybe as a way to prove a point…

To keep me from getting wrapped up in someone?

I’ve pushed every girl that’s showed an interest in me away. For the most at least. Not “away” but away from the idea of a “we” at least. Why? Was it really to focus on my work? Or was it purely selfish? My friends all have other theories. A lot of which have to do with no one fitting my extremely skewed (according to them) vision of the perfect girl. And my response is always, “Nobody’s perfect. Why would I seek that?”

Why would I?

I like what I like. Only…

Umm….damn.

Lost my train of thought.

I shoot in the morning. Off to bed for me. Goodnight.

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