pale shadows

Realizing you are neither independent from(others) nor special to(someone), within minutes of uncomfortable silence, can be quite shattering…

heartbreaking in fact.

Though in matters of the heart, that which is not invested cannot get broken. Or can it?

“You lie.”

My head is taunting…

And umm the guy sitting besides me is being nosy and reading…

Stop!

Thank you.

::sigh::

“Me?”

No, no…..him.

“But you know you do lie, right?”

No, I just omit. There is a very big difference.

The subway is slower than usual….steady and calm as if it understands my mood. I am gray.

Between states of being. Neither here nor there. With…

Perhaps.

“Who is “…” anyways?”

None of your damn business.

I’m underground now. There goes being able to post this while in route. I’ve written five stream of consciousness rambles within the last week and posted none of them. I wonder will this one see the light of day.

I’m omitting and deleting in record numbers this time around.

Now you wanna rumble subway….ok…just when I need to concentrate. Just when I’m gonna get to the core of my brain’s disturbance.

Whatever.

I’m already passed annoyed and I’m not even angry. Can you be annoyed at an inanimate object? But the subway moves…so it’s alive in a way.

Sort of.

I’m alive.

Today.

I died the other night. But lucky for me I’m immortal so it barely counted. But I felt the weightlessness of it…

Death.

She pulled at my essence asking me to float up and away from my body.

“you’ll be protected here.” she whispered. But armor or not I wanted to be right where I was.

non d e s i d e r a t o or not.

Hmm.

“You are lying, you wanted to cry.”

I didn’t.

“You did!”

Please stop.

The subway is ripping through now, it’s so loud…but my head…

Do you hear that? Aaahhh god!

Inside my head. It’s SO FUCKING loud.

“You’re crazy.”

I’m crazy.

I’m t a l k i n g to myself.

::stares at iPhone screen::

What is the point of this nonesense ramble anyways?

“You know you’re not going to post it.”

My head taunts me!

“Balls bitch, grow some!”

If I suddenly (wo)man up and grow a pair I’m gonna shove them in your insensitive mouth. Now leave me alone and let me write!

………..

::sigh::

And that there friends is how you shut your head up.

Funny, I now have nothing left to say.

My stop is coming up. I’ll (attempt to) post this later.

Or maybe not.

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